Manipulated Page 10

  I got up and left his office feeling a little dazed and laughing at my needless worry. Ms. Gunn was still on the phone, but smiled at me and handed me a post-it.

  Looking down at it, I realized the error in my relief. Scrawled in Ms. Gunn's perfect cursive she'd written:

  The following people would like to see you:

  Mr. Schrader

  Ms. Molin

  Mr. Stacey

  Ms. Abbott

  She signaled for me to hand the list back to her, and I watched her cross off Mr. Schrader's name. I rolled my eyes, and she smiled at me, giving me the shooing gesture.

  "You've got to be kidding me," I mumbled and heard her laugh behind me.

  Ms. Molin actually did go through Brodie's school record, but she simply catalogued this year's 37 tardy, 21 lunch detentions, 9 after school detentions, 3 Saturday schools, and 2 suspensions. When she gave me an expectant look like this information would turn me away from him, I said simply, "Sounds like he's been busy this year." She nodded a little sadly and let me leave.

  Mr. Stacey was more annoying than the others. He asked me psychobabble questions like, "Why do you think young ladies are attracted to the bad boy type?" and "Are relationships harmful to one's sense of self?" The nice thing about Mr. Stacey is that if you're quiet, he'll answer his own questions and still think you've had a solid talk. That's what I did, anyway.

  When I left Mr. Stacey's office, my real unease set in. Ms. Abbott was a huge concern. Had she already called Dad to tell him? And what would she tell him about Brodie? My feet felt like cement blocks as I walked to her office. Her door was open, but I still knocked.

  "You wanted to see me?" I asked.

  She tapped a small stack of papers on her desk and set them aside. "Yes, come on in and shut the door, please." When I was seated, she said, "You know his reputation, right?"

  Well, I guess we were jumping right into it. No one had brought this up yet. I wasn't surprised they'd left it to Ms. Abbott. I stuck my chin up again. "Yep."

  She didn't look surprised. "And you're okay with being—"

  "This isn't your business," I warned.

  She put her hands behind her head and rocked in her chair. "I'd like it to be, Risa. I care about you—not just as a student here, but well, sort of as family. I'm worried about you."

  In a monotone voice, I commanded. "Don't be. I'm fine."

  "Yeah, I know. You—" She scrubbed her face with her hand. "I'll never try to be your mother, Risa." She clenched her jaw and shook her head. "God knows I'd really like to beat—" Her eyes closed, and I watched her take a deep breath. She was more composed when she looked up at me again. "I'm not gonna tell you what to do or try to steer you away from him. Truth is I like Brodie. He's a smart guy with a good heart. He's had a lot of trouble. I've helped him through some of it, Risa. His sophomore year was—well I'd never tell you his business, but you really need to ask him about it. Is he who you were with last night?"

  Crap! Dad just told her everything, didn't he? And now she'd tell him I'd been sleeping at a guy's house who has the reputation of a man-whore. I didn't answer her and opted for staring instead.

  "I have to walk a fine line here, Risa. I really like your dad, and I'm your counselor, but I also really like you. What you say to me, I won't repeat to your father. Ask Brodie, he'll tell you I keep my word. But someone needs to know where you're really at. Were you at Brodie's last night?"

  I hoped I wouldn't wind up regretting the decision, but for some reason, I trusted her. "Yes."

  She looked relieved then uneasy again. "Just tell me you were careful, Risa. Please give me that so I can get an ounce of sleep at night."

  I studied her face a little more carefully and noticed the darkness under her eyes. She wore makeup, so I had to wonder how much she had covered up. I really did feel like she cared about me, and she hadn't been pushy or controlling.

  I sighed. "We're not—I mean, we're just sleeping together—I mean only sleep. He knows I'm not really ready for, you know."

  Her eyebrows lifted high on her forehead. "Really?"

  I nodded. "Really."

  "That's—I'm not gonna lie to you, Risa. That's surprising, really surprising."

  Why was it so surprising? Brodie had been nothing but patient and gentle. "He'd never push me to do something—"

  "Oh, no." She waved her hands in the air. "I'm not surprised at that. I was more surprised that he's choosing to keep you around. And I don't mean you specifically, but anyone. He's, well again, I don't want to tell you his business. Tell him what I said, and ask him about it."

  I was confused and annoyed at her cryptic words, but I consented. "Okay."

  "You probably don't want to hear this, but I'd feel better if you'd just pretend to listen." At my nod, she continued. "Sex changes things, Risa, especially if you really care about the other person. I know you know to be careful and use a condom, and I really know that he knows that, but there's more to it than that. It's not something you just jump into."

  Oh, geez, I thought to myself. She was completely right; I really didn't want to hear this. I tried not to look as uncomfortable as I was, but it was hard not to get up and walk out.

  "It's like jumping off the high-dive. You don't just climb up there and fall off. You have to know how to swim, think it through, know how to enter the water without hurting yourself, and have some knowledge of where you have to swim to get out. Sex with anyone is like that. The most important thing, aside from a condom, is to talk about it first. Have you and Brodie talked about this—about your relationship and how it'll change it?"

  I looked down at my lap. "We, uh, it's not a relationship. We're just—" I took a deep breath and looked her in the eye. "We're just spending time together."

  "Is that what you want, Risa?"

  Several thoughts bounced around in my head. I'd only known Brodie a few weeks, so expecting something more was a little premature. But I knew he wasn't a "something more" kind of guy—he'd made that clear along with everyone else. Still, the way he said, "I know" after he'd thrown Craig into the wall made me think he felt something more for me than just "spending time together." I couldn't make heads or tales of any of it, but I could at least put her mind at ease about the talking request.

  "We talk a lot, actually." I didn't add that we kissed a lot too, but I'd told her all I was willing to tell her.

  "I'm relieved to hear that. Keep talking. It'd be best if you told him what happened to you before you move to the next level, but I can imagine that would be very difficult. If you ever want to talk or just want advice, Risa, I'm here." She gestured to the door. "And if they give you any more trouble out there about Brodie, let me know. I'll have a little chat with them." The way she said it made me think she had the potential to be a lot meaner than I'd seen her.

  I got up and put my hand on the doorknob. Without turning around, I said, "Thanks, Ms. Abbott."

  "Anytime, Risa, really."

  I was drained by the time I made it back to my little desk. Ms. Gunn just watched me as I sat back down.

  "Is it my turn?" she asked.

  I covered my face with my hands and doubled over, pressing my head to my knees.

  Ms. Gunn laughed and rubbed my back. "I'm kidding. You've had more than enough. You know we just care about you. I think they spent the better part of this morning deciding what they'd say to you. I wish I'd taken a video of their faces when they saw him kiss your hand this morning. I thought Ms. Molin was gonna rip his arm off. Poor boy. He never did make it to first period."

  "What did they say to him?"

  She shook her head as if to tell me it was harmless. "Just warnings and reminders of his previous indiscretions and your lack of indiscretions. I think Ms. Molin threatened expulsion if he led you on. He isn't, is he? Leading you on?"

  "No. We're just spending time together."

  "But you really like him, don't you?" She was smiling like a proud mom. It was weird. "I saw the way you looked at him. It
made my heart happy, Risa."

  I narrowed my eyes at her. "Since when are you such a romantic?"

  She shook her finger at me. "Don't you make fun of me, or I'll send an email to all your teachers inviting them to come have a conference with you about this new development."

  I couldn't handle that. "Okay, okay, can we just drop it now, though?"

  She nodded. "For now."

  Ten minutes later, the lunch bell rang, and I'd never been so happy to get out of there. Ms. Gunn didn't bring it up again and had me copying papers in the copy room, so I'd had some time to unwind before lunch. Still, I was frazzled when I picked up my backpack.

  "Brodie, how was the rest of your morning?"

  I stood up quickly to see Ms. Gunn smiling at Brodie, who stood in front of her desk.

  "It was much better, Ms. Gunn. How was yours?"

  "Oh fine, just fine," she answered. "You kids have a good day."

  I waved at her and grabbed Brodie's hand, pulling him toward the door as quickly as I could. When we stepped outside, I stopped and closed my eyes for a moment. I was tired. Strong arms wrapped around me, and Brodie pushed my head to his chest. I couldn't resist cuddling into him.

  His voice was very serious. "I'm guessing that didn't go well."

  Keeping Me Around

  I pulled my head up to look at him. "You've been late 37 times?" He laughed, and I let the rolling sound wash over me, relaxing my shoulders. "I can't believe you actually served 21 lunch detentions."

  "Believe it. Longest lunches of my life, but it kept me from getting suspended." He pulled back from me, but kept his arm around my shoulders as we walked away toward the burger place. "So what else did they say?"

  "Which one? Mr. Schrader thinks I can influence you to get better grades. Ms. Molin just gave me a list of consequences you'd faced. I just let Mr. Stacey talk to himself, but he seemed to think I was suffering from some female obsession with the bad boy type. Ms. Abbott though, she was a little tougher."

  He nodded seriously. "I thought she might be."

  "Well, she knows I was with you last night and—"

  He pulled me to a stop. "Hold on. Not that I care, but why'd you tell her about last night?"

  It was then that I realized he didn't know about Ms. Abbott and my dad. I was a little worried how he'd take it. "Brodie, she's dating my dad." He stared at me, but I couldn't read him. "I didn't think to tell you before. Is it a big deal?"

  He rubbed the back of his head and widened his eyes. "She knows a lot about me, Risa. Your dad would kill me if she—no, she'd never tell him anything. It's fine."

  "She said she likes you and that you're smart, and you have a good heart. She said she won't tell my dad anything I say to her. I think I believe her."

  He nodded. "You can. She's solid. She just knows a lot about me."

  I wanted to say, "I'd like to know a lot about you," but I didn't. "She said some things that confused me—things she told me to ask you about."

  "She told me she would." We reached Love These Buns, but we didn't go in. He pulled me beside the restaurant where they had patio tables set up. There was a small grassy area and shade trees surrounding it that made a little park-like atmosphere. We walked to a tree and sat down. "What do you want to know, sunshine?"

  "I—I don't know. She said something about sophomore year. You don't have to tell me anything, Brodie. It's not—I mean it's your business."

  He scooted back against the tree behind him and crooked his finger at me. I took off my backpack and sat between his legs, leaning my back against his chest. He rested one arm on his raised knee and wrapped the other arm around my upper chest.

  "I fucked up sophomore year so many times, Risa. I don't wanna go into all of it, but it has to do with my mom showing up, and it just did a number on me. I got into some stupid shit, like I told you before—drugs, drinking every night and doing whatever I wanted. I didn't think about anything, and this girl—" He sighed heavily. "She was just a one time thing, but I wasn't careful. She got pregnant and thought I'd, I don't know, marry her or something."

  Ohh-kay. I don't know what I'd been expecting, but it wasn't that. No wonder Ms. Abbott said she knew Brodie knew to use a condom. It felt a little surreal hearing him talk about all this, but I stayed quiet and listened.

  "I was a mess, Risa. There was no way I was bringing a kid into my effed up situation. And I was only with her once, so I didn't even know if it was really mine. She wound up getting an abortion, but it was a solid month of drama and guilt, and I just stopped going to school. Ms. Abbott finally came to my house and refused to leave until I talked to her."

  That sounded like something she would do. Students had often come into the office in tears and waited to talk to Ms. Abbott.

  "She said a lot of things that made sense. It didn't instantly fix anything, but she helped me get the job at Max's and kept telling me I could make it through school. Max was like a God to me, and he started pushing me to do better, kept me around even though I failed the drug tests my first few months there. Eventually, I got my shit together, but yeah, sophomore year was bad."

  I didn't know what to say. I was surprised, and I felt bad for what he'd been through. I wondered what his mother had said to him to send him on that downward spiral, but it wasn't hard to imagine since my mother had sent me down a less extreme, but similar path.

  He buried his nose in my hair. "Some teachers, hell even a lot of my classmates, when they look at me, I can see they're still looking at that idiot from sophomore year. It sucks, but I can't do much about it. They see what they wanna see."

  I turned around and sat on my knees in front of him. He looked frustrated and tired—almost as tired as I felt. "What about me? What do I see when I look at you?"

  He brushed my hair back away from my face and pressed his palms to my cheeks. "You make me feel like you're looking at someone else, sunshine. I don't know what it is you see in me that makes those blue eyes light up so much or why I can feel how much you trust me. You look at me like you know what I've been through even though I've only told you a tenth of it, but it feels like you really do. Maybe that's what you're hiding from me. Someone's destroyed a piece of you and you're still working to get it back like I am."

  I didn't acknowledge how right he was, but I didn't look away either. "Is that why—" I looked down and thought about Ms. Abbott's comment that she was surprised he was keeping me around. I was afraid to bring it up, though. I didn't want to push him away.

  "Risa, you can ask me anything."

  I nodded and peeked up at him. "Is that why you're choosing to keep me around? Ms. Abbott said to tell you she was surprised you were—that you didn't—keep people around."

  He turned his head and stared off into the distance. I'd been afraid to ask the question, but I was glad I had. Even if he pushed me away, I needed to know where we stood. The fact that he absent-mindedly pulled his fingers through my hair as he sat there thinking, made me feel a bit more comfortable.

  "It's hard for me to trust people, Risa. Sammy and Lara have just always been there—since kindergarten. Mace and Jose came along freshman year. But beyond them, I—no, I don't keep people around. No one's really—you're different, sunshine."

  I put my hand on his chest and kissed him gently. When I sat back, he had a smug expression on his face.

  He narrowed his eyes suspiciously at me. "And you've got this story I'm determined to figure out."

  My heart dropped into my stomach, and the smile fell from my face. I pulled farther back and sat away from him. He'd find out my story, and not only would I no longer "intrigue" him, but he'd be disgusted and walk away.

  He leaned toward me and put his hands on my lower thighs. "Hey, you don't have to tell me, baby. It's okay. Risa? Come on, look at me. Risa?"

  I stuck my chin up and looked at him. "Enough talking. I'd like a little more lunch with my lunch."

  "No." He shook his head sadly. "Cut that out right now. Come here and talk to me.
"

  I shrugged and stood up, laughing it off. "It's not a big deal, Brodie. I'm fine, let's just go eat." I didn't give him the chance to say anything and walked back toward the door to Love These Buns.

  I had just reached the door when he pushed his hand against it so I couldn't open it. He put his arm around my waist and pulled me away from the door and into his arms. My heart slammed in my chest with anxiety and the pain of thinking I was one of his conquests. Oh, I was different alright. Not only was he out to get me in bed like he was with other girls, but he was out to get me to spill my guts to him. I'd be the supreme notch on his bedpost.

  "You don't have to tell me anything, Risa. I just wanna be with you. I hope you'll tell me what's wrong someday because I worry about you, but—"

  I tried to shove against him. "I'm fine. No one needs to worry about me. I can take care of myself."

  "Stop." He said firmly and squeezed me tighter. "I don't know how you can trust me so much with everything else and then throw up that damn mask. You don't need to hide from me. Whatever happened or didn't happen, I don't care." He lessened his grasp and moved away enough to look me in the eye. "I just wanna be with you. Haven't I said it enough, cuz really, Risa, this is all new to me. Wanting to kill Craig for what he said, wanting to kill a hundred guys today for what they're saying, wanting that whole damn office to know you were with me, telling you everything I just said, it's all new, sunshine."

  He'd said all the right things, and he seemed to really mean them, but I still just didn't know. I closed my eyes. "I'm tired, Brodie."

  "I know, baby. It's been a long day. Just don't shut me out… please?"

  I could have given him a sarcastic reply, could have pushed him farther away, but I was so tired of hiding. I stepped into his arms and rested my head against his chest. "Can you just forget that I have a story you want to hear? I don't want that to be why you keep me around."

  "I didn't mean it like that. I swear I didn't mean it like that. And I won't bring it up again, okay?"

  I wrapped my arms around his waist and closed my eyes. "Okay."