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  "Out? Such a vague word. We've been out. We went 'out' for a walk last weekend." Okay, so I was being evasive again.

  His lop-sided grin made me want to touch his full lips. "There's a party Saturday night at Jamie's house. Come with me."

  "I don't know Jamie."

  His eyes sparkled with laughter and arrogance. "You know me, sunshine, that's enough."

  But I didn't know him, not really. And going to a party with a bunch of crazy people drinking and doing who knows what put me in a bad position for relying on someone I didn't know.

  He trailed his fingers along the sensitive skin beneath my ear. "Just say 'maybe,' see how it feels?"

  I stared at him for a few minutes, debating the sanity of it. His soft touches were making my brain fuzzy. "Maybe."

  He leaned in so achingly slowly and kissed my cheek, making my heart thunder in my chest. Just a few more inches, just a turn of my head and he would have kissed my lips. The way he looked down into my eyes, his smile barely there, made me think he was feeling the same things I was feeling.

  "Okay, class." Mr. Vigil called out. "Finish that worksheet if you didn't already, and have a good weekend."

  The bell rang, but I couldn't move. Brodie's eyes fell to my lips, and I almost reached up and pulled him to me, the tension was so thick.

  "Alright kids, go to class."

  I flinched at Mr. Vigil's voice right behind us and turned to look at him. He nodded toward the door, and I started gathering my things together.

  "Saturday, sunshine," Brodie said as he stood up.

  "Maybe." I smiled at his wink, and he left the room.

  On Saturday, I was sitting on the couch at eleven' o'clock in the morning, minding my own damn business while I watched some action movie on cable when Ms. Abbott showed up. Sure, it doesn't sound like a big deal except that I was in my freaking pajamas, my hair was a wreck, and I hadn't even brushed my teeth yet. My "roommate" didn't even have the courtesy to inform me she was coming, and the casual way he opened the door told me he sure as hell knew.

  But I thought whatever and went upstairs. Just as I reached the top of the landing, he called out, "Get dressed, so we can all go get some lunch."

  Seriously? Why would I want to get lunch with them? Was he mental? I pulled in a deep, soothing breath and tried to politely yell down. "No thanks." Then I hurried to my room and shut my door. Lunch. Right.

  Several minutes later, someone knocked on my door, and I punched my pillow multiple times before hollering, "I'm changing." It wasn't a total lie since I planned on changing imminently, but it effectively kept him out of my room.

  "Good," Dad said from the other side. "Come on down when you're ready."

  "I'm not coming with you," I shouted.

  He was quiet for a moment. Calmly, he asked, "May I come in?"

  I walked to the door and opened it. "Look, I'm really grateful you took me in, but there's no need to play up the happy family having lunch together bit. You have your life. I get that, and that's fine. Just let me stay here, and I'll keep out of your hair." Okay, so I was still a little pissed about the previous weekend, and maybe I was a little upset that he'd hardly said two words to me all week.

  "Risa." There was clear disappointment in his eyes. "I'm sorry about last Friday, but I do want us to be a family. I just—" He ran his hand through his dark blond hair, scratching the back of his head. "I don't know where to start. Could we start with lunch? Can you give me that?"

  I glared at him. Why should I get my hopes up again? He didn't want me ten years ago when he divorced Mom and all but forgot about me. Why did he suddenly want me now? And for how long? Maybe this was all for Ms. Abbott's benefit. Maybe he was just trying to look like a good dad in front of her. Would he marry her? Would she do something awful to get me out of the picture like Bill had?

  "Risa, please? There's nothing in the house for you to eat, and I'd like to take you to buy some more clothes so you don't have to do laundry every few days."

  Shopping? I hated shopping. Well that wasn't entirely true. I'd always liked shopping with Mom. She had opinions, and she was just fun, well, until Bill came along. I had cute clothes and lots of choices, but when Bill started complimenting my legs too often, she convinced me skirts and shorts were slutty. I'd realized the stupidity of that once I was out of her house, but the idea still hung out in my subconscious like an unwanted relative. Still, I thought it would be nice to own a few more T-shirts, or maybe a conservative tank top or two now that the weather was getting warmer. My stomach growling finally made my mind up for me.

  I pulled my chin up and looked him in the eye. "Fine. Now do you think you can leave my room, so I can get dressed?"

  He closed his eyes and nodded sadly. I felt the smallest bit guilty for giving him such attitude, but threw that crap right out the window. He was the one who left me sitting around alone last Friday, waiting for some "celebration" dinner he had no intention of being at. Work was always more important.

  I brushed my teeth, washed my face, and pulled on some clothes. I usually threw on some mascara and darkened my eyebrows to somewhat match my hair, but I wasn't about to bother just to have lunch with my absentee father and his girlfriend.

  In the car, Dad asked, "So where would you ladies like to eat?"

  They both glanced back at me like I should decide. "Someplace with food would be good," I answered a little too snottily. Ms. Abbott looked sad. I really didn't want to give a damn but couldn't help it. She was too nice. I let out an annoyed sigh. "Anything is fine."

  Dad's hands loosened their grip on the steering wheel just a smidge. "Kelly, do you have a preference?"

  "What about Breuster's?" Ms. Abbott suggested. "They have a little of everything, and there are several clothing stores in the shopping center around it."

  "Is that okay with you, Risa?" His tentative, look-how-patient-I-am-with-her voice irked me.

  "It's fine," I answered in a mostly polite tone.

  Lunch was uncomfortable. Dad kept trying to draw me into conversations about various topics, but I wasn't interested. Ms. Abbott told him that Mr. Vigil and I talked about politics often. I glared at my silverware instead of at Ms. Abbott. I did not want Dad to know anything I really liked.

  When I excused myself to use the restroom, I stared in the mirror for a long time. Last week I'd been mad that he didn't want to be in my life, so I'd come to terms with the fact that we were just roomies. I was fine with that idea. Now he wanted to act like a dad, and I was mad at him for that too. What was wrong with me? Maybe I did need to sit down with Mr. Stacey and have a "concerned chat."

  Ms. Abbott came through the door as I was internally conversing with my subconscious. She walked over and leaned against the counter, staring at the floor. "He should have been there last Friday. I can see why you'd be angry, but he's trying, Risa. I'm not telling you what to do or how to act—I would never be so presumptuous. I like your father, and I like you. Even with your witty sarcasm, you bring a light into our office. I don't want to see either of you hurting, especially when you're hurting each other."

  I closed my eyes, not wanting to look at myself anymore. Frustration and pain made me blurt out more than I'd intended. "I can't—not—be angry. For the past ten years, for… everything."

  "Believe it or not, he understands that. He's just hoping some of that anger will fade with time. Do you want him to stop trying?"

  One of the large terra cotta tiles on the floor was cracked in an asterisk-like pattern. I wondered how it had happened. Tiles were pretty strong. It had to have been quite a blow to fracture it.

  Ms. Abbott put her hand on my arm briefly. "Just give it some thought, Risa."

  I didn't nod or acknowledge her comments as she left the bathroom. A few minutes later, I convinced myself to return to the table. I stayed quiet, but tried to be less rude as we ate.

  After lunch, we went into a few clothing stores where I got a pair of black flip-flops and a few tank tops to sleep in. The l
ast store we went into, I found several cute shirts to try on, but I felt weird with the two of them waiting for me. Ms. Abbott saved me again by picking up a dress she wanted to try on.

  When I came out of the dressing room, she was trying to convince Dad to get a couple new T-shirts. Since they weren't paying attention to me, I had a chance to try on a light purple tank top. I slid it over my head, thinking it had possibilities, but when I looked at myself in the mirror, I got so angry. It made my eyes look too blue and just screamed, "Look at me, aren't I cute?" I didn't want to be screaming that. I didn't want people looking at me. After a few deep breaths and changing back to my black V-neck T-shirt, I managed to calm down. Okay, so I couldn't do purple. They had a decent dark blue I thought I might be okay with.

  They were both standing outside the dressing rooms, waiting for me, laughing about something when I walked out. Dad looked down at the clothes in my hand and smiled. "Purple?" he asked excitedly.

  "No, this was—I just grabbed it for the size." I walked back to the pile and picked up the dark blue one instead, refusing to look up at him. He'd sounded too happy to see the purple, and I didn't want to see if he was disappointed or not.

  Before walking back to the car, my eyes were wide and drawn to the computer store where they had posters up for the new photo editing program that had just come out. Looking back at Dad, I didn't want to show that it meant much to me, but I really wanted to go inside and see the demo. I was surprised when he didn't even make me ask.

  "Go ahead," he said matter-of-factly. "We'll wait out here for you."

  I sprinted inside and found the desktops they had the demo set up on. It was impressive. The version on Dad's laptop was four years old, and while we'd had the current version at Los Gatos, this new one put it to shame. I'd been there for several minutes playing with it before a salesman started to really harass me. Giving up my fun, I walked back outside.

  Dad and Ms. Abbott had their backs to the door and were obviously deep in discussion. "But when is she gonna snap out of it, Kelly? When I saw that purple shirt, I thought just maybe, but no, all she gets is this dark crap. It's been months, and I'm sick of it. She has no friends, she doesn't do anything. When is she gonna get back to her old self?"

  "My old self?" I yelled. "You don't even know me. You have no idea what I used to wear or why I used to wear it. And I have friends, not that you would know because you never talk to me." I could feel the tears threatening to spill over. "You don't know anything about me." I turned and walked away as fast as I could.

  "Risa, come back here!" he yelled, but I kept on walking.

  I didn't know where I was going, but I couldn't stop. Eventually, my knee got a little sore, and I had to admit defeat and sit down on a bench outside a grocery store. My phone vibrated.

  I'm sorry, Risa. I'm just worried about you. Let me take you home.

  I had to give in. My knee wouldn't let me walk anymore, and I had no one else to call. I briefly thought of Brodie, but I wasn't about to pull him into my crap. He'd ask questions I wasn't ready to answer.

  I can't walk anymore. I'm down the street outside a grocery store.

  No one said anything the whole way home. I slowly made my way upstairs and collapsed on my bed. I thought he'd leave me alone, but he knocked on my door a few minutes later. I didn't answer, so he just walked in. I was too tired to be angry about it, though. He set my bags down and came over to the bed, shoving two pillows underneath my knee. He didn't say anything, just patted my calf and walked out.

  I stared at the wall for a long time, thinking about what I'd overheard Dad saying. When is she gonna get back to her old self? She has no friends, she doesn't do anything. I wanted to be angry at him, but he was right. I didn't have any friends, at least not my own age. The only person I really talked to outside of the office was Brodie, and he was just trying to sleep with me. Or was he? And if he was, did it matter? He hadn't kissed me yet, hadn't forced himself upon me in any way, except repeatedly asking me out. He hadn't given me any reason not to trust him. And I liked him. He made me forget about the past few months. But did I have the guts to go out with him. She has no friends. She doesn't do anything. I pulled my shaky courage together and opened my text screen.

  You still going to that party tonight?

  I pulled on my bottom lip as I waited anxiously for a response. A few minutes later, my phone vibrated in my hand then vibrated again, and again. Four text messages came in one right after another.

  Depends. You wanna go there, or you wanna go somewhere else?

  Another party @ the Court. Bit intense for your first time.

  Or we can stay in and take care of that cherry issue we been talking about.

  I'm down for whatever with you.

  I dragged in a deep breath and controlled the tense nervousness in my stomach. His comment about taking my virginity scared me a little, but that pissy voice in the back of my head said, That's what you wanted, right? Experiences?

  I threw my head back and stared at the ceiling. "Suck it up and just go out with him," I told myself as I turned on the screen again.

  Slowly, I swiped my fingers across the glass. I'll go to option one or two with you, but if you're looking for option three, you better find a different date.

  Sunshine, only an idiot wouldn't hope for option three with you, but I'll settle for the party at Jamie's. 9 ok?

  Yeah. Can I meet you down the street? I didn't want to run the risk that Dad would actually ask questions.

  Text me when you leave your house, and I'll pick you up.

  K.

  I let my head fall back and closed my eyes, thinking about his comment, only any idiot wouldn't hope for option three with you. The stupid smile on my face made me glad no one was around to laugh at me.

  Fitting Into the Puzzle

  At around six, I woke up and my stomach informed me that I needed to eat. My knee felt a lot better, albeit a little stiff, so I walked carefully downstairs to find Ms. Abbott asleep in Dad's arms. I was really uncomfortable with the visual and turned to go back upstairs when Dad softly said, "Risa? Are you hungry?"

  My stomach growled, and I didn't want to go to the party later without having eaten dinner. Reluctantly, I nodded.

  "Kelly," he said softly. "Wake up, honey."

  I very slowly came down the stairs, watching the steps and not the two of them.

  "I'm so sorry I fell asleep on you." Ms. Abbott had such a kind voice even when half asleep. I wanted to say it was annoying that she was always so nice, but she was one of those women that made it somehow not annoying.

  I had no idea how Dad landed her, but he definitely lucked out. Not that I knew his dating history. Maybe he'd been with several nice women. That line of thinking was not somewhere I wanted to go.

  "Don't be," he said sincerely. "You're exhausted with all that lawyer stuff going on. I'm glad you could get a little rest."

  Well that was pretty nice of him. Maybe he was a decent boyfriend. Boyfriend? Ick.

  I reached the bottom step and they both looked up at me. All I could think to say was, "The Allan's suck."

  Dad smiled and Ms. Abbott laughed, shaking her head. "Risa, you're sworn to secrecy. You're not supposed to mention names or talk about student business outside of the office. You're not even supposed to know about any of it."

  "Can I help it I have eyes, ears, and a brain?" I picked at my fingernails. "Not like it's rocket science or something. Everyone complains about them in the office."

  "Well, I'll pretend I didn't hear anything," Dad offered. "Now how about some dinner? Chinese buffet?"

  Ms. Abbott shook her head with disapproval. "One of these days, I'm making you guys a real meal. You eat out way too much."

  Dinner was fine. The nice thing about buffet is that if anyone starts a conversation with you that you aren't interested in having, you just get up to take on another round of food. That little "out" wasn't necessary though, since they stayed pretty quiet. It was actually sort of a n
ice quiet; it was peaceful. I liked peaceful.

  Back home, I showered, applied a little makeup, and put on my jeans and new blue tank top. The only thing I had left to do was tell Dad where I was going. With his fatherly behavior all day long, I was actually pretty worried about his reaction. I wasn't sure what I'd do if he forbade me to go, and I didn't have any answers about where exactly I was going. I certainly didn't want to tell him with whom I was going. Ms. Abbott, who was still downstairs, would know all about Brodie Decker, and I was sure I would be forbidden from going anywhere with him. All of this nervousness over telling him I was going out was compounded by the extreme nervousness of being around Brodie and going to a party when I'd only been to like one.

  When 8:45 rolled around, I'd procrastinated long enough, and had to just bite the bullet. I walked slowly downstairs, hoping they might both be asleep, but no luck.

  "Hey, we were just gonna watch a movie." His voice had a smile in it, and I knew that had everything to do with Ms. Abbott. "Wanna join us?"

  "Um, actually, I have plans."

  He sat up straighter and looked at me. "You changed."

  "Yeah, I'm hanging out with a friend down the street." It was completely true—I hadn't lied—I just omitted the party detail.

  He just stared at me, and my fear increased. Please don't ask the right questions, I said to myself. I took another step toward the door.

  "You'll have your cell phone on you?"

  I held it up and waved it in the air.

  "You'll call me if you need me?"

  I nodded and put my hand on the door handle.

  "Just—don't come home too late."

  I opened the door and called back, "Okay." When I reached the sidewalk, I could not believe how easy that had been. Mom never in a million years would have allowed me to leave without every little detail, and then she would have said no because of the details.

  I got a block away when I texted Brodie, and he came to get me in an old black truck that looked amazing.